It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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