apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
