just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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