its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This baby is an asshole
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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