First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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