the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
