I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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