I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
