Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
