It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
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I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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