We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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