from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
