Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
