He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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