he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
