If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
