Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i am craving dick and cupcakes
wow bdsm is so cute
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
