I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
