Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
