apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
