Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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