I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
