I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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