you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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