You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
