she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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