Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
COCAINE IS GR8
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
