Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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