you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
