I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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