In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
