i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
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admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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