I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
