I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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