"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
