lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
