It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
