You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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