I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
