I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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