so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize