Banned from zoo.
Again?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
