I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
