Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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