i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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