WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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