I smell stomach acid.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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