I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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