And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
