I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
