She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
