She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
