did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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