it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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