I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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