I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
