best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
