On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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