So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
