i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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