Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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