Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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