yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well I just put wine in my tea
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
