Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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