We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
