call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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